I have a love hate relationship with pregnancy

Today at WalMart I saw a woman who was pregnant, and it made me sick to my stomach.  I know this sounds harsh, but please let me explain.  I am excited for her, I am.  And first let me say to those who wish to experience pregnancy and have not had a chance yet, my heart goes out to you, and I have cried for you.  Please laugh with me through this ;)  So when I get pregnant (men, you may want to close the page now.  It has some TMI)  I know within a day because I get vainy.  I quickly schedule a Dr Appt and tell him, I need these prescriptions NOW!  Ambien, Ambien CR, Prevacid, Zofran, and a multi vitamin.  And within 2 weeks I am puking my intestines out, peeing my brains out and crying from 5:00pm on.  At this point I have already put on 15 lbs and my marriage is a mess.  Why is my marriage a mess?  Because I go from being happy, productive, kind, fun, and normal to walking with a scowl on my face, hating everyone, not doing a dang thing, and laying somewhere all day and night.  And I still look normal, so my husband expects "normalness".  Although Terry has been sooo nice during pregnancy.  Everyone is being neglected (including the house) and I am taking my ambien by 7 pm.  I am sick, although I know not as bad as some, but sick enough that I lay in bed sobbing wishing I could die because I am soooo sick.  Wishing I could just throw up so that I could go to sleep (can't take the ambien til I puke, or else I will throw it up).  Wishing that morning would come so that I could feel normal for a few hours and actually be a human.   This lasts until 17 weeks.  Phew!  If I can get through that then I can survive the rest of the pregnancy.  Now whether my marriage, husband, children, friendships or house can, that is a different matter.  I actually do pretty good after the morning sickness but I put on a good 60 lbs.  On my 5'1" frame, 200 lbs just doesn't suit me.  I saw this picture of me today while I was organizing photos (taking "tagged" photos off FB to put in my photo albums) and had to post it to all of you.  It is humorous, and I can laugh about it.  And yes, being pregnant is worth it.  I love the creature that comes out.  Yes, creature.  My precious little bloody aliens, that turn into sweet chubby babies.  I am so thankful that even with pregnancy comes such love, fulfillment, and beauty.  The journey of having a baby and bringing them into a home is hard, and frustrating, and worth every ounce of energy and patience, (and not so much patience).   Every child has been different, come with different personalities, come at different phases of life, and I am so thankful for every one of them.    So when I say that seeing a pregnant woman makes me sick, please know that, that is because I have been through all these things twice in the last 3 years.  So all of this is a little too fresh in my mind.
Gained 60 lbs, lost 60 lbs and run that first mile both times.  (yes I work out my entire pregnancy, and I still gain the weight.  I was walking 4 miles 3x a week til I was 7 mo pregnant and my hips hurt too bad)
Paid for and took 5 pills a day for 12 weeks
Puked daily, more than once, for 12 weeks
My marriage has survived 12 weeks of a non existent moody and puking wife  (marriage is only rough during those 12 weeks, the rest of the time is a breeze ;)   )
I have had 2 epidurals, and delivered babies 8lb12oz and 9lb 13 oz.
I have nursed, lost my milk, pumped it back in and gotten yeast infections in my chest.
Mastitis.... twice,
Having to cover your chest while in the shower because you hurt so bad FOR WEEKS.
Been up all hours of the night, been pooped on, puked on, peed on.  Paid for all those diapers that are polluting the earth.  (that is a joke, I am not going to go "Natural").
Neglected 3, then 4 other kids because a crying newborn is the priority.
Had someone in my bed at night for 90% of the last 2 years.  (I know this is our own fault, no lectures please)

These are not complaints, they are facts.  I would, and plan on doing it all again some day, just not now.  Especially since seeing someone pregnant just makes me sick.  I am so thankful that I have been so lucky to have children let alone have healthy children.  It is all worth it, and I know it. But so you can all have a good laugh, here is a "pregnant" shot, and a "now" shot.  I kind of think there is a difference.

  Here is pregnant, no makeup, 10 brain cells, and a smile on my face, After is 14 months after pregnancy, makeup, 60 lbs less (for the 5th time) and 20 brain cells (they are multiplying rapidly), and a smile on my face.   Terry is a good man to love me through the process of becoming the lady on the left and back to the lady on the right  ;)  Just think how great life will be when I am functioning on 100 brain cells!

 My belly is really that big.  It isn't just the picture. This is 7 days before Lawson came 9 days early 9lbs 13 oz.  Pregnant women deserve to be "FRUMPY".  I am just wondering though since I am 14 months post pardom, can I still be frumpy?    (the hutch in the back ground is the one I just refinished, I will blog about that later)

I need to say too, that we have survived all of this and we live in a very happy home.  My children are loved and they know it, and Terry and I love each other so much.  I love my husband, he is the best man.  I put him though a lot and he is so good to me and such a great dad.  I love that he hugs me from behind and always tells me I am looking good.  I love that he tickles my back while he watches sports, and I love that I can harrass him and he can harrass me.   And I love that I do what ever I want and he gets upset sometimes, but no too upset  ;)  Now that is a good man!

I know my cup runneth over!